Nicole Kidman reveals her deep depression after divorcing Tom Cruise, says she wasn’t Katie Holmes’ confidante during recent divorce

Ever since Tom Cruise pulled the plug on his marriage to Nicole Kidman in 2001 after more than 10 years together, there has been endless speculation as to what went wrong with the “Days of Thunder” and “Eyes Wide Shut” co-stars. Over a decade later, details are still scarce, but in a new interview, Kidman – now happily remarried to Keith Urban – talks a little bit more about her failed first union, and sets the record straight about any involvement she may have had in Cruise’s divorce from Katie Holmes.

For the 20th anniversary of the Australian magazine WHO, Kidman talks about her last two decades as a Hollywood star, including her headline-making marriage to Cruise. Noting that she “married really fast and young,” the 45-year-old actress – who reportedly had issues with Cruise over religion (she was raised Catholic, he’s the most famous Scientologist) – said they had a “fantastic marriage for a long period,” calling it a “fantastic decade.” Their eventual split, which was a bitter one (she was pregnant when he filed for divorce and later suffered a miscarriage), took a toll on her. “When it didn’t work out, I had to really dig deep and find my way through depression,” Kidman said, referring to that period of her life as the “loneliest, loneliest existence.” However she doesn’t dwell on it, noting, “I have no regrets about any of it. It was all about growing up … I wish all of the people that have been involved in my life well, because it's very important to me to be in a place of forgiveness and love."

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Another reason to remain upbeat? Her marriage to Cruise brought her two children. Although Kidman is rarely seen with adopted kids Bella, 19, and 17-year-old Connor – they live with their father, and Kidman has said that they call her “Nicole” instead of mom – she says she cherishes the relationship she does have with them. “All of my children are highlights of my life,” said Kidman, who also has daughters Sunday, 4, and Faith, 1, with Urban. “I remember when we adopted Bella, her looking at me for the very first time. That is extremely powerful, like a kind of birth, too. They are my biggest joys.”

Kidman also addressed Cruise’s divorce from his third wife, Katie Holmes. The “Paperboy” star said that, despite reports, she was never Holmes’ confidante when she was secretly plotting to leave Cruise last June. “I never spoke to her,” Kidman told WHO. “I wish all of them well, but I was not involved of any of that.”

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With her “loneliest” days behind her, Kidman also opened up about finding love again when she started dating Urban in 2005. “There was a long time when I never thought it would happen for me again – and it happened!” Kidman told the magazine. “I never, ever take Keith or our love for granted and I always keep in my mind that my dream is to grow very old with him.”

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